Alexis's Secret
by dollydean
Summary: Alexis made a mistake, and needed to confide in Kate. But will Kate feel a little bit jealous of Alexis? Later Beckett and Castle wonder if Alexis's mistake means they missed their chance.
1. Chapter 1

Kate has never been a big 'sharer'. If you wanted to know something about her, you had to ask. Even then, if she didn't dodge answering, you'd be lucky.

Rick had always known that Kate doesn't discuss her personal life at work. Now that they were living together, it felt like he had to force everything out of her. That's another reason why he fell in love with her.

Although Kate didn't often share, people always told her their secrets, knowing she could keep them to herself.

It was Thursday, and she was relieved to be home from work. She loved her job, but there hadn't been a body drop today, which meant that it had been a full day of desk work. She was glad to be able to come home and spend a romantic evening with her 'fiancé'.

As soon as she stepped in the door of the loft her phone rang. "Beckett" she answered. "Hey Kate it's me." It was Alexis. "Hey Alexis... What's up" Alexis didn't usually call her, she probably needed to be picked up from somewhere.

"Kate... Are you going to be home tonight?" She sounded nervous.

"Yeah... Alexis what's going on?" She didn't want to butt in, but Alexis's voice was trembling.

"Will you pick me up from school? I think I need the weekend off." Kate knew Stanford was far away, but she wasn't about to let Alexis down.

"Yeah sure Alexis, I'll leave in an hour." She said into the phone.

"Ok. And Kate?"

"Yeah?" Kate knew the sounds of someone upset and she was wondering if she should tell rick.

"Please... Just don't tell my dad." This was not good. What had her soon to be stepdaughter gotten herself into?

"Sure Alexis. I'll be there in a few hours." Kate grabbed her purse and keys and practically ran to her car.

Once she started driving she called rick "hey I'm going over to my dad's tonight. I'll call you when I get there" she left on his machine. She'll just say surprise when Alexis walks in, and he'll love it.

Kate had done a lot of bad things at university... She had made a few calls like that to her own mom. But Alexis was nothing like her, she wasn't a bad girl like Kate had been.

The drive went by faster than Kate had expected. Probably because she was going 200 miles an hour on the way there... But Kate had never been one to follow speed limits.

Alexis had been waiting for her, and practically ran into her car.

"Hey Alexis!" She said cheerfully. Alexis had been crying Kate noticed that she had only one bag.

"Just drive, let's go." She said.

Kate had been in a situation before where someone tried to get her to talk when she was upset, and she knew better than to try to get Alexis to spill her guts before she was ready.

So Kate and Alexis just drove. For Kate, the drive home seemed a hell of a lot longer than the drive there.

Finally Alexis asked Kate "have you ever made a really really big mistake." She sounded bleak.

Kate laughed "yeah. We all make mistakes, but I've made some pretty unforgivable ones." She was hoping to find out why Alexis was so upset.

"Like what?" Alexis asked.

Damnit. Not the way Kate wanted the conversation to go "well I missed my prom." She said.

"Why?" Alexis asked

"I was just too big of a non-conformer to go I guess" she told her.

"No I mean like, have you ever made a mistake that would change your life?" Alexis looked up a Kate.

"Well I think even things that aren't mistakes can change your life." She was trying to dodge having to answer difficult questions.

"Kate... If I told you a secret, would you tell my dad?"

"Well, I guess that depends on what it was. Probably not if you didn't want me to." Oh god... Keeping secrets from castle was not easy. He just turned into a 5 year old, and never gave up.

"Ok. I need your help." Kate was greatful for this opportunity. Her and Alexis have always been close, but Beckett wasn't really good with kids and Alexis was coming to her for help!

"Sure Alexis, what is it?"

"Well Kate... I'm... I can't say it." Alexis started to cry again.

Kate didn't know what to do. She had never been a crier, she used to just get angry and not talk to anyone.

"It's ok Alexis, whatever it is can't be that bad" ok here goes, she was gonna tell Alexis something bad she had done. "When I was in school, my friends and I snuck onto one of the rooves, and we made some graffiti... Wow I was a dumb kid... Anyway, I passed out and the cops found me, and I had to call my dad to bail me out of the police station." Kate laughed, and Alexis even flashed a smile.

"Kate, I made a huge mistake and now I have to pay for it for the rest of my life."

"Alexis, what happened?" Kate was getting impatient.

"Kate, I'm pregnant!" Alexis sobbed and cried.

Kate had made many mistakes in her lifetime, but she had never been knocked up! "Oh Alexis..." Was all she could say.

Alexis just sobbed incoherently.

Kate couldn't help but wonder what all this meant to her. Had her door for having kids just been closed? Finally Kate thought of a good question "are you going to keep it?"

Alexis looked up at her "I don't know!" She practically yelled as she cried.

Kate didn't know what to say. What are you supposed to say in a situation like this? Not congratulations.

"Alexis am I taking you to the loft?" Kate tried to change the subject.

"I don't know!"

Suddenly Kate's iPhone rang the 'I'm too sexy' ringtone that indicated rick was calling her. Kate slid the answer slide, "Beckett" she said.

"Hey Kate I'm going to be out too late tonight so I decided to just stay in the Manhattan condo, I'll catch you at the precinct tomorrow."

"Ok castle" she said.

"Love you bye."

"Love you."

Kate turned to Alexis "your dad's not going to be home, so if you need somewhere safe to stay you can stay at the loft."

"What about gran?" She asked.

"She's at the hamptons." Kate focused on the road.

"Ok I'll stay at the loft."

Kate was sleeping on her side of the bed when she heard the door open. She rolled over she saw Alexis standing in the doorway. Kate had never been in this situation before. She remembered when she used to get scared at night, her mom would wave for her to come in, so that's what she did for Alexis.

Alexis walked over and crawled into the bed. She cuddled right up to Kate.

Beckett did not know exactly what to do, so she reached her arm around Alexis.

Kate was at work, just like any other day. She had received a call that a body dropped, and her and castle were on their way to the site when she got a text from Alexis, who decided she was going to keep the baby. But not to say anything to castle yet.

"Castle," she said, curiously "do you want more kids?" Not that she wanted any, she just wanted to know.

This apparently took castle way off guard, his face looked shocked. He's turned to castle and asked "kids?" She had a completely straight face. Where was this coming from. "Well I don't know... Umm if the opportunity comes, I don't know." He looked back at her, she was nodding.

"I feel the same way" she said, not noticing how much she had upset him.

Kate had assisted Alexis in organizing a dinner for rick, Martha, and themselves. It was to be the night Alexis told them about the baby.

Kate had made breakfast for dinner (castles favourite), and served Pinot noire to drink, which was Martha's favourite.

When the meal was over castle jokingly said "so what's the occasion?"

Alexis's head snapped up "dad! I'm pregnant!" She sobbed.

Martha spat out her wine and rick just starred straight foreword, not blinking, not moving. Kate kicked him under the table.

He could not think of anything to say.

That night rick and castle were relaxing in bed, and castle turned to her "so you knew?" He asked, Beckett could tell that he was hurt.

"Castle," she began.

"No, why didn't you tell me?" He looked over at her.

"Alexis told me not to castle." Kate looked down "I wanted to."

"I thought maybe you wanted kids, after you asked me that day in the car." He looked away from her.

"I did castle, but now, with Alexis- don't you think that it's inappropriate?" She looked at him even though he was looking away from her.

Castle shrugged.

Kate guessed the conversation had ended, so she turned her light off and rolled over.

Castle had one last thing to ask "will you wish it was you?" He asked her.

Kate closed her eyes, "yes" she said quietly.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N sorry guys… I'm from canada and I did not know Stanford was in california, I thought it was in New York :/… so I changed that… thanks to those reviews i learned something new! **

The next morning, Kate and Rick woke up to the sound of Kate's phone ringing. She rolled over and slid the answer slide. "Beckett." She tried not to sound tired.

"Hey Beckett, its Espo. We've got a body drop on West 43rd street." He said to the phone.

"Got it, Castle and I are on our way." She reached over and shook him awake.

"5 more minutes" he mumbled into the pillow.

"Get up, or I'll leave without you!" she threatened.

After stopping for coffee, they began to discuss what happened last night.

"Kate, Alexis is not ready for this! She needs to finish her schooling, it means a lot to her!" He wasn't really protesting anything, Kate realized that Rick just was not ready to see his little girl as a mom.

"We both know that alexis is responsible. She isn't going to make any decisions without thinking everything through." She was just mirroring all of the things Rick had been saying to her for the 6 years they had been working together.

Castle knew Kate was right, but to him it was yesterday that Alexis was sitting in a high chair eating cheerios. He smiled "it could be fun to have a baby around the house." He glanced at Kate, who was starring forewards with a look of terror on her face.

Had he seriously just said that? She hadn't envisioned the baby living with them… she wasn't a baby person for god sakes. Suddenly her stomach churned as she imagined being puked on and woken up at 4am, like when cosmo was with them. "Rick, remember when cosmo was with us? Babies are not as fun as you remember." She wasn't trying to crush his dreams, she was just reminding him not to get too excited. "Besides, even if she decides to keep it, will she still live with us?" Beckett wondered all the possibilities Alexis had at her hands. Even if she did keep it, would she live with them? Or get her own house? Kate felt herself hoping that Alexis would keep it, and live with them, despite all of the downsides. She turned back towards castle, who seemed to be a little disgruntled by her last remark. "But it might be fun, you know… I kind of missed cosmo after he went back to his family."

Rick was taken by surprise by this last part. In all the time he had spent with Kate she had only heard him talk about babies once. 'Success!" his mind yelled. His plan in turning Kate into a baby person had worked! He mentally high fived cosmo. But his heart ached once he came back to reality, and remembered that he and Kate were not having a baby, but his little girl. "Maybe we can make the best of this!" Rick said optimistically.

Kate remembered when her mother used to take her ice skating, it was a great memory. She remembered some of the other things her and her mom did together, and realized that despite that her mothers life had been cut short, Joanna Beckett had done something that Kate had not. She had always seen herself having kids someday, but what if someday was over? It couldn't be, she had just gotten engaged to someone she loved. She looked over at Rick and felt that she might be disappointing him. Somehow that wasn't her main thought, she wondered if she may be making a mistake


	3. Chapter 3

Rick had a meeting with his publisher that afternoon, and when her shift ended at the precinct he texted her saying "I'll be later than I expected, can you do dinner?" Shit. Now she was going to have to stop and pick up dinner. On the way down the elevator she texted Alexis. "Picking up dinner. What do you want?" Kate hoped it would be Chinese, she had wanted lomein noodles all day. By the time she got to her car Alexis had replied "what ever you want!" Thank god, Kate thought, planning the fastest route to the chineasey dinner place. Kate walked in the door with a bag of food, her purse, phone, and keys and practically threw everything on the island. "Alexis, food is here." She called. Kate didn't even bother to put anything where it belonged, she was starving, she pulled all of the food out of the bag and sat at the island, too hungry to wait for Alexis. She looked over at the stairs and saw her step daughter coming down. Kate had been watching her like a hawk ever since she had learned of the pregnancy. This week she had noticed that Alexis had been sleeping a lot, she was always asleep when Kate got home from work, and was asleep when she left in the mornings. "Hey," she looked over at her "how are you feeling?" Kate was curious, almost all of her friends were single, or had older kids, so she never got to do any of this before. "Like I got thrown down the stairs" Alexis groggily reached for the chicken balls. "Look at my boobs." She turned to Kate, who was visually surprised, and tried not to be awkward. "Wow." She barely glanced at them, but didn't want Alexis to sense how awkward she felt. "I'm starving!" She had already eaten about half of the chicken before she reached for the noodle stir fry. "Yeah," Kate looked over at her and noticed her face had filled out a little bit in the last few weeks. Since they found out about Alexis, Kate and Rick talked a lot about babies. He had practically forced her to watch Disney movies. It was weird, because Kate hadn't seen any of them in decades, and she had to admit that she had liked the nostalgia. Alexis was slowing down on the food, and looked over at Kate. Uh ho, Alexis was about to ask a question. Kate looked down at all the boxes of food they had consumed "We certainly didn't waste our money." She tried to cut the tension, and began to clear away the boxes. Alexis followed her with her eyes, trying to word the question she had without being rude. "Kate..." She asked delicately. "Why did you never have any kids?" She realized that sounded a little invasive so she added "like... Did you just not get the chance, or do you not like kids..?" Kate didn't look at Alexis, she continued to clear away the garbage and finally, after thinking for a while she stopped and turned to her step daughter "well Alexis, it's sort of complicated." She put the garbage she was holding in the trash and looked over at Alexis, and she knew from her face that the answer was not satisfying. "Alexis, before I met Castle I didn't want to settle down. I didn't want to ever get married, or do the kids thing." She leaned on the counter making eye contact with Alexis, and knowing this answer was going to lead to a million more questions. "But now that you are married and settled down, does that mean you'll want kids?" Alexis leaned foreword as if closing the gap between the two of them. Kate had no idea how to answer this. She wondered if it would be appropriate to tell Alexis the truth. She smiled and shook her head "I'm going to be honest with you Alexis. I never really thought about kids until you told me the news the other day." She nodded at Alexis, who smiled. There was a long silence before Alexis got really pale. Kate noticed and her back straightened, she knew that look anywhere. "I'm going to be sick." Alexis said as she ran to the washroom. Kate didn't know what to do, should she follow her or should she wait in the kitchen. She began to walk over to the washroom, and saw that the door was open. Should I knock? She wondered. Instead she just followed her instincts and went straight in and put her hand on Alexis's back as she sat on the edge of the bathtub. Alexis only puked once, but she sort of collapsed into Kate after. She sat on the floor and leaned into Kate's legs. Kate, who didn't get grossed out easily, reached to Alexis and pulled her up next to her on the edge of the tub. Alexis leaned her head on Kate and Kate wrapped her arms around Alexis. Neither of them said anything, and Kate just starred straight foreword, wondering if she was the right person to be comforting Alexis. She dug in the back of her mind trying to find something comforting to say to Alexis, but nothing came to her. "Alexis," she hesitated. "I hope you know that this is just the beginning." Kate ran her fingers through Alexis' hair and felt bad because she knew that Alexis was a little girl inside, and she was stuck with a problem that was way over her head. Kate looked foreword, and tried to imagine who would be comforting her if she had been pregnant and not Alexis. Immediately she scolded herself. She had been imagining herself in Alexis's shoes too often, and it needed to stop. This was her time to focus herself on Alexis, not be jealous of her. After Kate took Alexis up to her room, she laid next to her spooning for more than an hour. Kate was the big spoon, and for once she enjoyed it. She felt like she was bigger than Alexis, as if she could protect her. She listened to Alexis's breathing and ran her fingers through her hair. Kate stayed laying with her even though she knew Alexis had fallen asleep. She thought about all of the things Alexis was going to be able to teach her child. Alexis's breathing began to sound like a metronome, keeping a beat. Kate started at the beginning, and found herself in tears counting all the things that she had to offer a kid, all of the things she could teach. Within minutes she was crying. She made it only a few minutes before her eyes watered, and once she felt the tears streaming, Kate decided it was time to get up from Alexis's bed, and call her husband, she had a lot to talk to him about. 


End file.
